Heyoooooooooo. It’s been a while since we last spoke, possibly since the Master’s even but no way to be certain. We did this last year, and if you took our advice you probably won your league. You gotta bear with the team here as we move through this. The blogging skills are a little rusty, but the football scouting skills never left. Like riding a bike really. We also use PPR to build our very stringent model so keep in mind that’s what our rankings are based on. Before we get started let’s pour one out for all the retired players in da league from last year like Tom Brady, Julio (he’s basically retired idk if he’s announced it yet but it’s very sad), Matt Ryan (I think same as Julio), Mark Ingram, Sony Michel, and others. With that squared away, let’s dive in boys.
1. JUSTIN JEFFERSON
I mean what really needs to be said about the guy. He’s a freak and he’s my keeper. #1 overall all day every day.
2. Ja’Marr Chase
It pains me to have 2 lsu guys this high but they are beasts. If he can stay healthy he’s gonna have numbies
3. TYREEK
Tyreek putting the peace sign up with a guy between him and the end zone when he was on the chiefs and they beat the bills a couple years ago was so cold. Tua will win MVP. Tyreek will be a big reason why.
4. SAQUON
1st RB off the board and with a newly inked 1 year deal he still got a lot to play for.
(Ok this is where we switch from analysis to vibes)
5. KEENAN ALLEN
Receptions monster and Herbert will be feeding him all year
6. BIJAN ROBINSON
Apparently he’s playing slot receiver in camp and the falcons run the ball a ton. Should be a big producer.
7. GIBBSY
See above about Bijan but switch out falcons for lions.
8. DEVONTA SMITH
Our guy is gonna have a huge year. He will out perform AJ Brown
9. JALEN HURTS
BEAST. What more can be said about the guy. He does it all. Maybe this year he’ll even get a receiving touchdown.
10. Forgot about glass bones and paper skin MCCAFFREY so he slots here
11. AUSTIN EKELER
PPR league so running backs slide
12. GARRETT WILSON
Drinking the hard knocks kool aid big time
13. TRAVIS KELCE
His podcast keeps popping up on my tik tok so ya he’s here. KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOITH YOU JABRONI
14. JOE MIXON
We disavow his off field stuff but man he had like a 50 point game last year that’s 🅱️razy
15. JOSH ALLEN
Tall. Looks good in shorts. Rocket Arm. Kinda looks like Coach. He’s the man.
16. PROJECT PAT
He’s so cool. Watching the quarterback show I just kept thinking damn this guy is awesome and he has a rocket launcher for an arm. And he’s building a bball court and golf hole at his house. That’s tight
17. CALVIN RIDLEY
SLIDE RID!!! Return of the best sneaky old receiver in da league. He’s gonna do big things in JVille.
18. TUA
Arm sleeve. Jiu jitsu. He’s a new father with a good home life but acting like he just got divorced and is going through a midlife crisis. MVP inbound for Tuaman. EXPECT US
19. STEFON DIGGS
He’s got Joshie boy throwing him dimes. Great route runner, elite hands, he gonna be a problem this year. 12 touchdowns and 1300 yards (I think that’s impressive?)
20. DERRICK HENRY
Throw out the rankings. He should’ve been top 10 and that’s on ME. Another 2000 yard season inbound. LONG LIVE THE KING
21. JERRY JEUDY
My boy got spaghetti for limbs and cuts on a half a dime, call it a nickel. If he doesn’t perform we get to blame Russ and scumbag Sean.
22. JOSH JACOBS
Probably not gonna be as good as he was last year but he’s still so sick. And he plays for the raiders. The delta kaps love him and so do we.
23. KYLE PITTS
I really can’t stand this guy but the falcons have nobody else besides Bijan. They gotta force feed him the ball.
24. LAMAR
Hopefully having OBJ helps him put up a big season. The rushing numbies should be there too. I can’t wait to watch him do some wild stuff for 4 yard gains over and over and over again. LAMARVELOUS
25. NAJEE HARRIS
Expect a bounce back season in Pittsburgh. They’ve got their QB situation ironed out and should be able to actually run plays this year. Also Najee is cooler than your favorite player and that matters in fantasy.
26. NICK CHUBB
Totally forgot about him. Whoops. He’s probably RB 1 fr fr.
27. DEEBO
Did this last year and forgot all about him. The South Carolina man is a beast and apparently is super ripped now unlike last year when he showed up to camp Zion sized.
27. GREG KITTLE
Joker and Master Chief tattoos. Enough said.
28. JUSTIN TUCKER
Always can count on him when you need him. Best kicker every year.
29. CHRIS OLAVE
Plays for the saints that’s why he’s this far down. I guess Derrick Carr will feed him.
30. DALVIN COOK
Idc where he signs the man is a problem. Mattison could be a sneaky pick too with Dalvin gone from MN.
Damn man doing this off the dome is tough I can’t lie I’m just trying to remember guys at this point.
31. AJ BROWN
Whoopsies. Probably low here. He’ll do big things but wow the next slide was a mistake lol
32. COOPER KUPP
OOOOPS. Big miss here hahahaha. Probably WR 2/3. 32 would be a steal for him.
33. SCARY TERRY
He’ll be good but idk ab Sam Howell. We’ll see.
34. CD LAMB
Another huge miss here. Hey do you like tape and CD’s?
35. AMON RA ST BROWN
Jared Goff said he’s gonna have a big year which means a lot of targets. Good for him.
36. JAYLEN WADDLE
Bad look from me. MVP Tua is gonna have to feed his old buddy from Alabama. Big things from the penguin this year.
37. DHop
Tannehill is horrible but he’s gonna throw it to DHop every play. Lots of catches but maybe not a ton of yards.
38. Devante Adams
Too many good wr’s in the NFL to remember. Jimmy G is bad tho so that could hurt production here.
39. BY9
Young King gonna have 5000 yards and 40 tudders this year. He and Brandon miller are roomies in Charlotte and will both be rookie of the year.
40. ANTHONY RICHARDSON
360 no scope against Utah will always make me believe in him.
That’s all I got. Sorry if I left off your fav player but my flight is about to take off. See y’all soon!