Folks it’s truly a sad day in college football. We only have like 6 games today and the regular season is over. Many teams like Ole Miss and South Carolina won’t play a meaningful game again until September.
Gotta be brutal for their fans. Also kinda funny that some schools’ fans are straight chillin today. Tennessee and Ohio State fans just got the feet up. Kicked back hanging brain and watching football or doing whatever weird occult stuff they do on a regular basis. Tennessee fans probably just sitting around drinking moonshine talking about how Morgan Wallen is actually a really great guy.
Meanwhile, nobody is more stressed out than us Tide fans. I’m being forced to root for the Pony Express. I’m trying to adapt to an SMU lifestyle just so I can fit in.
Gonna get my best bangs swoop going on and make sure that I speak just slightly too loud for every situation. Also talk about how excited I am for the 2025 Tahoes to hit the lots. All the while I’ve got my upside down Dallas hat on with a powder blue polo that says “Ponies” on it. Hell ya brother. I honestly don’t know if any of that is accurate but I’m just picturing what the worst guy you know who’s from Vestavia and went to Auburn would be like if he had a trust fund and was from Dallas. Also goes without saying but the guy definitely has a problem with party enhancers. Pony up I guess.
UGA +2.5 vs TEXAS
I don’t know if this is the right pick but I’m gonna roll with the pink man who sucks today. UGA is coming off kind of a letdown game but they still managed to win meanwhile Texas is coming off beating AM but not really having their way with them just kinda surviving. My biggest takeaway is that Ewers is not a good quarterback. If Sid the Sloth can just not play with his head up his ass I think UGA has the juice to be able to cover against Texas again. Also this should be a home game for the dawgs.
XANDERSON
This is a Doc and Ders specialty today. One last parlay for the season. One last chance to cover (until bowls). This one has the potential to be our magnum opus. It’s our frontrunners only, get Bama to the playoff parlay. When the day is over we should have a clear idea of what the playoffs will look like and folks I think it’s gonna be a crimson December. RMFT.
ARIZONA STATE -1 vs IOWA STATE
Dillingham vs Campbell. CFB’s new hot name on the coaching scene vs the former wonderkid. We’re rolling with the devils today bc what even is a cyclone?
OREGON -3.5 vs PENN STATE
Dan Lanning vs James Franklin. This is the easiest pick of all time. Let me have the psycho over the jabroni.
SMU -2.5 vs CLEMPZON
Clemson yet again is going to make me hate them. They’re making me root for a guy who was once an Auburn Assistant (who is not Will Muschamp who I would root for any day of the week) so the Tide can get in the playoff. Well like I said last week. I hate Tigers. Pony Up.