Lordy Lordy Lordy. I am so excited for today. Gonna hit some brunch and then just listen to BoneCrusher (ATTENCHUN) on repeat until 4 eastern I am so nervous but like good nervous. Bout to be saying three words and being three things all day. 1. Tide 2. Will 3. Roll and 1. Drunk 2. Loud 3. Drunk. Uga ain’t want it. They think they hard but they not. There are also other football games on today but ya idk what you want me to say ab them. I wish I was more excited for Pitt vs Wake Forest but I mean come on. Defo betting on it but still. Anywho. Time to get on the boots and jeans, jump in the shower, put on the boots and jeans again. Put on as much bootleg bama gear as possible and then just stand around waiting like Pablo. RTR
LOCKS
AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP: HOUSTON +10.5 vs CINCINNATI
I hate this pick fr. Everyone and their mother is betting on Houston and idk if it’s because we all just want Cincinnati to lose or what but I guess I’ll be a sheep as well. Coach Dana with 10.5 extra points? Hook it up. Luke Fickell with one foot out the door (no idea where he’s going) so we gotta roll with the cougars. I am now all the way in on Houston. Love this pick.
BIG 12 CHAMPIONSHIP: BAYLOR VS OK STATE UNDER 45.5
We ride with the mullet. Gundy got the best defense and probably best team he’s had the whole time he’s been at Oklahoma State. All he’s gotta do is win one (1) game and he’s probably in the playoff. Look for Oklahoma state to get ahead early and then ground and pound and play lockdown defense to keep the score low. I don’t like betting a favorite and the under so let’s just take the under but I like Ok St -6.5 too.
BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP: IOWA +11.5 vs MICHIGAN
Follow the money. The truth will set you free. Nobody is betting on Iowa except for everyone that bets big mon mon. They got a stellar defense. They got a not so stellar offense but that doesn’t matter bc their defense is better than Michigan’s offense. All they’ve gotta do is keep it close and with as good as both these teams defenses are, 11.5 seems like a lot of points to give to Michigan. Also Aidan Hutchinson gets completely negated by Iowa’s OLine today because his name is Aidan and not Will Anderson. Live look at Harbaugh —> 🤡
SEC CHAMPIONSHIP: BAMA +6.5 VS UGA
Today is the day of days. The showcase of the immortals. The clash of Titans. An unstoppable force vs an immovable object. Bryce Young vs *record scratch* Stetson Bennet??? Are you kidding me? This team is still starting the mailman. What a joke. Ok let’s try this again. Hope vs Terror. Hero’s vs Villains. The new kid on the block vs the leader of the pack. Nick Saban vs Kirby *record scratch* this mf really named for a pink ball that literally sucks. Clown central station. How has this team gotten so much hype? Probably because of Jordan Davis. Oh you’re telling me he ranks 17th in defensive stats on his own team? Wow.
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. BAMA BY A MILLION. NOT MY FAULT THEY THE NEXT MAN ON THE SCHEDULE. ATLANTA BEING OVERRUN TODAY BECAUSE THE CDC DIAGNOSING A NEW DISEASE CALLED ALABAMA AND EVERYONE THAT WENT TO THAT SCHOOL IN ATHENS WILL SUFFER FROM IT TODAY. DREAD IT RU- NAH THATS OVERPLAYED. TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BEAUTIFUL FOR THE BULLDOGS. THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO WATCH THIS GAME AND SEE HOPE, SEE MERCY. INSTEAD? THEY’LL LOOK UP IN HORROR. RMFT. IT’S GAMEDAY.
Let’s get funky. Roll Tide