Back to back bachelor party weekends is really tiring. I am a shell of a human being and am ab to have yet another Saturday bender. But you gotta do what you gotta yabba dabba doo. Like how I had to yabba dabba fly frontier to get here. What a wild airline. Everyone started clapping when we landed, I thought we as a society were past that. I was wrong. I also thought that you could sports bet here. I was wrong about that too. I did get in one parlay in the charm city yesterday though before taking off. Unfortunately that’s all I got for you today. Depending on when frontier gets me back tmo I could have a Caesar for you. Fortunately for you though, my piss is hot and we got a special guest picker today. Come on Bama. Spaghetti and meatballs. Let’s get funky.

XANDERSON PARLAY

Since this is the only bet of the week for college you can rest assured we spent a lot of time in the lab on it. This was us -> 👨🏻‍🍳👨🏻‍⚕️👨🏻‍🔬. We would never put out just one bet if it was gonna lose. We even called in some special help for the guest pick.

DERS: TEXAS OKLAHOMA o59.5

59.5 is a pretty low total and I think Oklahoma won this game last year by like 60. I think Ewers and Sark put up a ton of points and Oklahoma follows suit. They just beat Cincy by a thousand last week and they’re really rounding into form. This is going to be a high scoring, very entertaining game.

DOC: COLORADO-3.5 vs ARIZONA ST

Huge bounce back spot for Deion and co. They almost pulled off the upset last week and fought all the way back against USC and then idk what happened bc I didn’t watch the game. I guess they came up just short. Tough scene. But not today! The buffs take care of business and I think get Travis Hunter back next week. They’re getting close to eclipsing their season win total.

MASERATI MACK WILSON: BAMA -2

Purge sirens. Batista intro music. Edge intro music. More purge sirens. Wake up. Put on your boots and jeans. Shower. Bama hype videos. “If it means something to you, you can’t sit still” “not my fault they the next man on the mf schedule…choke his ass out from snap to whistle…imma let him know he don’t want it from me”. Get out of shower. Put on your boots and jeans. Marlboro reds. Liquor couch. Meat wife. Eat breakfast. More liquor couch. Flyover. 😈Time 2 Sin😈. Celebrate a 30-10 Bama beat down. Braves game. Let’s have one folks.