I feel like I just woke up on Christmas. For the first time in 2024 we got a full slate of college football games and it couldn’t have come on a better day as it’s a crisp 87 degrees today. Great day to put on the old jeans and boots, take a shower, then put the jeans and boots back on. Got some coors lites in the fridge, got gameday kicking off in about an hour and a half, F1 quali coming up, I’m bout to run 9 miles, and a nation full of vengeful Tide fans. Let’s kick it to friend of the program Nick Saban to see if he agrees

Thanks coach. After 7 months of thinking about how big of a jabroni seth McLaughlin is, the time has come for a new season. A new dawn in college football. New coaches at powerhouses, new playoff format, new rules (2 minute warning don’t forget it). But one thing that stays the same is that there’s nothing better than right now. Lotta hope out there on the streets. Lotta folks thinking they got a shot to make the playoff this year. To that all I gotta say is, welcome to the show Ole Miss fans. We know y’all have been down bad for your entire irrelevant history, I hope you enjoy being slightly less irrelevant this year. Rejoice gentlemen. A new season is upon us. Let’s get funky.

CLEMPZON +13.5 vs UGA

It wouldn’t be the IMR if we weren’t out here doing dumb things right off the rip. For some reason I kinda believe in Clemson this year. I think we’re gonna end up with a Clemson va tech ACC championship game and they both make the playoff. Their defense is gonna be like a Clemson defense from 8 years ago and I think Klubnik takes a big step forward this year. Also I may be crazy for this but I think uga takes a slight step back this year 🤷‍♂️

FLORIDA mL +114 vs THE U

GATOR BAIT. This game is really a Spider-Man meme of two of the most incompetent coaches who are good at recruiting but terrible at coaching football. Truly a stoppable force meets a moveable object. I just got a feeling that somehow or another Billy Napier is gonna save his job this year. A big part of that is gonna be getting past the canes and Cristobal in week one and I think they do it. This game is really a Spider-Man meme of two of the most incompetent coaches who are good at recruiting but terrible at coaching football. I just like Graham Mertz more than any other player in this game and maybe we get a little DJ Lagway too.

BAMA o46.5 team total

Lotta talk about new eras earlier and man it doesn’t get any newer than this. The roster is loaded. The team is hungry. The coaches have got these boys ready to roll. Like a Dothraki Khalasar, we’re going on a warpath this year behind our fearless Khal, DeBoer. Going to be a fun one. Someone warn the Hilltoppers that the Tide learned how to snap in the offseason. Almost time to see MILLY ON DA KEEPA. I’m so excited for some Alabama football. Time to be a villain.

THE FIRST XANDERSON PARLAY OF DA YEAR

Xanderson and the Dr both got married in the offseason so we’re more dialed than ever on our picks. Got an extra mouth for each of us to feed now so we gotta be hittin these at a high frequency. We had to call in the wager wizard for this help on this first of these this year and the man picked Iowa. I think we all know what the biggest liability in this parlay is.

DOC

WVU +8.5 vs PSU

I’m doing a dynasty with WVU rn and I am possibly a little biased but James Franklin is a hack and Neal Brown is the real deal. Garrett Greene is also rlly good. CHEERS BEERS MOUNTAINEERS

WAGER WIZARD

IOWA -22.5 vs ILLINOIS STATE

Idk if Iowa can even score this many points but I gotta imagine Illinois State is gonna have zero at the end of this one. Just need 3 tuds and a field goal from the Hawkeyes. A man can dream.

ALEXANDERSON

BAMA -32 vs WKU

Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.

Extra bet from friend of the program Flip Borke.

THE VERY FIRST EVER WATERNOOSE

Very fun 6 legger here and fun bet format. A nice all SEC play plus those cowards in Columbus and traitor Caleb downs. Big favorites tho. Need like 240 something points to cover this lol. Why not us