Hello friends, and welcome back to Augusta National where Scottie Scheffler and Sam Burns hold 25 stroke leads over the rest of the field. Unfortunately for them, the bill has come due and both their wives have gone into labor. Even though they could win close to $4M by just not leaving Augusta today, they have to go to the hospital because their wives are in labor and they said they would. Cue the RG3 video from the Sugar Bowl. Honestly though, Scottie has already won like $10M this year and a Green Jacket in the past, go be with your wife. Sam Burns has won the Valspar. Probably should stick it out. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods will not be having anymore children in the next 9 months. Tony Finau just had his 17th child. Eventually he is going to have to win a major to get those kids through school. Why not now?
GEORGIA, GEORGIAAAAAAA. THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH (the whole day through) JUST AN OLD SWEET SONG. KEEPS GEORGIA ON MY MIND.
Here’s to the Masters green, pimento cheese, and pulled pork. Tony Finau wild outfits, Viktor Hovland horrific outfits, and Tiger’s new Tiger brand. Funnel pin on 26, Eagles on 2, and skipping the pond on Wednesday. Rory shooting +2 on Thursday, Speith creating new ways to shoot 68, and a Xander Schauffle collapse. The best weekend of the spring (until I get married next weekend) is here. Let’s soak it in.
BIG GUNS (+185) Scottie, Rory, Rahm v THE FIELD
These guys are the favorites for a reason. 2/3 of the best golfers in the world and then Rory Mcilroy who only has the Masters trophy left to put in his trophy case. I think the winner is probably in this group, with the major threats on the outside being Koepka, Hovland, and whichever of JT or Speith plays better. Also, UConn going back to back has me in dynasty mode. The Scheffler Rahm reign of terror is far from over.
P REED +500 TOP 10
Oh yeah. P gonna have a great week this time around. He’s already got one jacket in the closet (44 Long and don’t forget it). He’s a bad boy but honestly, maybe he’s right. Maybe usedgolffacts is right. Maybe everyone else stinks and not them. Who am I to say. This is a lock though.
PATRICK CANTLAY +750 TOP 5
Who can forget last year when he played with that jabroni from Texas AM and they took like 7 hours to finish their round on Sunday, gift wrapping the championship to Rahm and taking Koepka out of his flow. Anyway, Cantlay is kind of a beast unfortunately and he thrives in the majors. He’s gonna play great. Also, if he doesn’t win he can go back to his IB job and keep brokering the LIV PGA merger.
TONY FINAU TOP 10
WHERE HE BE NOW!?! This is the year. Tony Finau has improved so much under this new offense. He’s focused. He’s having fun. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a dark horse for the Heisman Masters trophy. Like I said. He got a lot of mouths to feed and he had a down year last year. He’s done pretty decent so far this year and I think he’ll play well enough to get a Top 10. TONY FINAU.
SCOTTIE SCHEFFLER +450 Outright Winner
This man is on fire. He can’t miss with his irons. He can’t miss with his driver. He cannot putt at all and he’s still winning tournaments by multiple strokes. It’s insanely impressive. Imagine LeBron averaging 25 points per game but shooting 27% from the free throw line. That’s Scottie.
BROOKS KOEPKA +1600 OUTRIGHT WINNER
This one’s for the fellas. He almost had it last year. He’s locked and loaded coming into it this year. He wants it so bad and he’s playing true to form in that he has been so mediocre on the LIV tour. He’s just cashing checks and shooting 75’s. That’s what you want from Koepka. Maximum effort for the majors and no effort in anything else. Respectable. Also Jena.
Ok. Here we go. Don’t call me crazy but I don’t know how this one loses.
SCOTTIE SCHEFFLER TOP 10, JON RAHM TOP 10, PATRICK CANTLAY TOP 10, CAM SMITH TOP 20, TONY FINAU TOP 20, PATRICK REED TOP 20 +12730
How does it lose. Cam Smith will be top Australian (+250 lock that in), Finau will for sure be top 20, P Reed is always good for a top 20, Scottie and Rahmbo are guaranteed top 10, and Cantlay will go insanely low one day and shoot -2 the other days. I think we gonna be rich rich. Lock it in and let it ride my friends.
Shoutout Tide Hoops.
Oh yeah. Almost forgot.
TIGER WOODS +14000 OUTRIGHT WINNER
You’re not an American if you don’t bet it.