In the words of Jim Nantz, hello friends. I got mukduk’d the last time I put out cbb bets, so I’ve taken a little break to study the blade. I watched the conference tournaments no sweat. I watched the play in games no sweat. I watched Dune 2, lots of sweat. That movie banged. And it inspired me to get back in the lab.
I have drank the water of life. I am the Kwizatz Haderach of March. I have ridden Shai Halud south and found the fanatics (sports book). I have slain the na-baron feyd rautha (my job) and now it is time to take the throne. Follow me to paradise brethren, I will show you the way. And if you choose to fade me, may thy bracket chip and shatter *dune singing noises huuuahuhhhuhhhaaaa*
MISSISSIPPI STATE mL vs MICHIGAN STATE
Rarely do I say this, but it’s a bad day to be a spartan. Mississippi State is kinda fun this year. Chris Jans is a great coach, and I just think Izzo is probably the most overrated coach in the history of team sports. One national championship 23 years ago and people name the whole month after him. Blasphemous! Shoutout Tipton.
BYU -9.5 vs Duquesne
What kinda word is Duquesne? Nobody serious came up with that name. You know who was serious? Brigham Young. Thank goodness he found those gold tablets in his backyard. Cougs smack Duquesne in the face today and get a biiiiiig dub. If you’re looking for a reason it’s that byu plays in a real conference and is humongous. Duquesne plays in a fake conference and stole a bid. Also BYU is really high in KenPom (shoutout Ken Pomeray thank you for your service).
ILLINOIS -11.5 vs MOREHEAD
It’s wild that Illinois hasn’t made it to the second weekend of the tournament in like 19 years, but this is the year they get over the hump. They have really good guardplay and they get after it on defense. Call me Morehead Jon Snow because I know nothing about them besides that they have a hilarious name. Morehead either wins outright or the Illini cover. No in between today.
OREGON -1 vs SOUTH CAROLINA
South Carolina is horrible. I have been saying it all year this is a bad basketball team. If there’s one guy who can take advantage of that it’s Dana Holtman. One of the best coaches in the country who always gets the most out of his teams when we get to this point in the season. Oregon wins this game by 15+ because south Carolina is bad and Dana Altman aligns rubix cubes (shoutout Rothstein)
NEVADA -1 vs DAYTON
This is a personal vendetta game. Anthony Grant is still on my list of guys that are probably nice guys but who set back Alabama basketball. Other guys on the list are Retin Obassahan, Michael Kessens, Armand Davis, Ricky Tarrant and Bill Battle for hiring Avery Johnson. Brian Hodgson on the list too but because he hates my high school and is associated with Alabama basketball. For that reason alone I am taking Nevada. Also I think their mascot is something cool and Steve Alford is their coach. Remember how fun the New Mexico Lobos runs he went on were?
SAMFORD +7.5 vs KANSAS
Rarely do I bet against Bill Self, but today he’s going up against a better coach for one of the few times in his career. The Buckmaster 3000 is going to have Self’s brain in such a pretzel his toupe may fall off. Yes folks, you heard it here first, Bill Self is a closeted bald man. Next time you see him pay attention to the edges of his hairline. Ok, Achor Achor will have a big day for Samford. 20 point double double no problem. Bulldogs pull this out and then beat either Gonzaga or McNeese (sneaky sneaky) in the next round to get to the sweet 16. This style of play is built to win tournaments. Time to shock the world baby.