First of all I’m sorry for not getting out any locks for the first round. I hope all the fans will accept my apology. I guess I’m just busy right now idk but at least going forward I will be there for you every step of the way. Starting right now. Some people are saying this tournament is boring bc there’s not enough upsets (looking at you Reid C). To those people I would say:
Look at the matchups we have today. The biggest spread of the day is 9.5! We’ve got some absolute barn burners to watch. Also not to make this about me but I have a basketball game this afternoon too. Again not to make it about me, but I have to guard this deaf 6’9 guy who is basically men’s league Jokic. The dude is crazy good and he doesn’t even have all 5 senses. Shoutout to him. Ok let’s get in to the madness. Going to break these down by head coach descriptions.
PURDUE -6.5 vs McNEESE
Nice guy who can’t win the big one vs scumbag. I think that’s a good summary. I think Purdue just has too much size for McNeese and they’re also not going to play like morons like Clemson did. Braden Smith will make his guys lock in and not let Future’s twin get McNeese all the momentum. Enjoy packing your stuff and moving to Raleigh, Will Wade.
ARKANSAS +7.5 vs ST JOHN’S
Legend vs Legend. 2 of the greatest coaches of all time, 1 of whom I think is the best coach in the history of the game. Talmbout Slick Rick BUT today I don’t think he gets to show off as much as he wants. These two coaches know eachother super well and have a lot of shared history. One thing Pitino wants to do is cross Cal off his tournament bucket list BUT Cal isn’t going down without a fight. I think St John’s will win this game, but the hogs keep it really close. Both these guys go get gabagool together after the game but Pitino has to leave the Italian restaurant early before the green goblin mask talks him into something bad. Should be a fun game. 🇮🇹🇮🇹🇮🇹
TAMU -2.5 vs MICHIGAN
Hard nosed dork vs Mountain Brook dad. Buzz is kind of a weirdo but he’s also a dawg. Dusty May looks like he just got finished working at regions and is on his way to pick his kids up from Crestline in a suburban. The problem for Dusty May is that his team just isn’t really that good. They have 2 7 footers which I’m sure the broadcast will mention Area 51 25 times, but their guards kinda stink and Wade Taylor should feast on them. Also AM has no shortage of 6’9 guys they can throw at Michigan’s centers to just beat them up the whole game. AM wins this game by 5 points.
BYU +1 vs WISCONSIN
Mitt Romney vs Short king. I think Greg Gard is short but I can’t remember 100%. I think BYU wins this game outright, but I took the point just in case. They do everything well on offense, and the badgers can find themselves in scoring droughts sometimes. BYU doesn’t really have that problem. They also have grown men who will lock up on D and rebound. I think this will be a really good game but I’m on the cougars.
GONZAGA +4.5 vs HOUSTON
Weirdo scumbag vs recruiting scumbag. Mark Few’s DUI video never fails to make me laugh especially with his ginormous Dobermans just sitting there so confused as he’s trying to pull a “do you know who I am” card. Kelvin Sampson got Oklahoma in trouble for recruiting issues AND then he went and did the same thing at Indiana. Kinda gangster to double down like that but it ended being a massive hindrance on both programs in recruiting. Anyway. I’ve got the Zags winning this game outright. They’ve been severely underrated all season but they’re actually incredible. They almost shut UGA out in the first half on Thursday. That’s insane. Houston is a good team too but they’re a little banged up and with Gonzaga playing as good of defense as they do, Houston won’t get enough possessions to ever get control of the game. Gonzaga wins this one ugly.