I’m feeling particularly villainous this AM. I woke up with my piss hot and I can’t get Trouble on My Mind out of my head. The weather forecast says there’s a heavy chance of Pusha T all day today. Eatin all my meals out of Pyrex. This whole Sophie turner joe jonas thing is just making me think about how great of a villain Ramsey Bolton was. No real goals just wanted to instigate. Can’t knock the hustle. A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man has none.
Big 4L. Big Zone 6. Toss on the boots and jeans. Get in the shower. Put on your jeans and boots. Get some Evan green in a Dasani water bottle. Do all your rituals. Spaghetti and Meatballs. Let’s get funky. It’s gameday.
COLORADO PRIMES -2.5 VS NEBRASKA
Matt Rhule looks like a guy who would be irrationally upset that Logan’s Roadhouse doesn’t put peanuts on the table anymore. On the other sideline you’ve got probably the hottest name in coaching rn and one of the best pump up talkers I think I’ve ever heard. Over/under on Travis Hunter’s snaps played today is 72.5. Shadeur goes for another 500+ and the buffs win by two scores.
OLE MISS -7 vs TULANE
Everyone and their mother is 1. Picking Tulane and 2. Rooting for Tulane. Guess what tho. They not mutually exclusive. When everyone else zigs, we at the Intramural Report zag. We’re taking the Rebs -7 but rooting for Tulane. If Tulane covers without a win this game is a total loss but if Tulane wins straight up I can eat a 1U loss. Lane is leaving Juice at home. That’s how serious he is about this game. Ole Miss goes for 600 yards of offense and the Tulane coach is gonna be wishing he’d taken the Ga Tech job last year when this one’s all over.
IOWA STATE +3.5 vs IOWA
THE CYHAWK. One of the best rivalry nicknames and we get it in week 2. I can’t lie I don’t really have much justification about this pick other than that I met this guy who went to Iowa state earlier this week. I also don’t like Iowa except for George Kittle. But meeting that guy earlier this week was a sign and you can’t knock something like that. Shoutout Georges Niang.
XANDERSON AND DOCTOR PARLAY OF THE WEEK
We’ve hit some road bumps so far with this parlay this year. Week 1 we missed 2/3 legs and our guest picker, the wager wizard, said they didn’t actually even bet the parlay. He has been banished! Last week we got close tho and only missed out because South Carolina’s oline is just Swiss cheese. This week we’re going back to the basics. Just two picks from two dudes. Sometimes you make your best product when you’re down a man. Like Colin Sexton against Minnesota or Migos putting out Bando when Offset was arrested #riptake. Let’s get into it. 17.5. Same color t shirt. WHITE.
BAMA -6.5
Buy the point thank us later.
OVER 52.5
Tide probably gonna hit this by ourselves but we may need Texas to help us out with a garbage time tuddy.
BOLD BONUS PICK OF THE WEEK
BAMA -9.5
Oh yeah. We feeling spicy today. Put on a little R-Cali by A$AP and ride this one out. Money. Power. The whole enchilada. Wtf is a longhorn.