When I was playing 9th grade football we had practice at 6 AM one time for some reason and one of the coaches asked me how I was that AM and I said I was tired and his response was “TIRED?!? Do you know how blessed you are to come out here and get tired?!? Do you know how many kids would kill to come out here and be tired?!?” I think about this often. I wasn’t really tired I was just sleepy because it was early. I still don’t understand why a 53 year old man yelled at a 14 year old at 6:15 in the AM for saying they were tired but to whatever floats your boat I guess. Point of me telling this story is that I’m tired/sleepy right now and that guy can suck it. Speaking of football coaches being dumbasses, how about Daddy’s Boy Jim copping a sussy for the rest of the year. That’s wild. I hope they lose every game they play for the rest of forever but that’s just me. Bama got a 12 AMer today. Bout to take my preworkout and play some COD (new campaign sucks and then is fun for one mission and then just ends???) and get my piss hot for this game. Spaghetti and meatballs. Roll Tide. Spaghetti and meatballs. Let’s get funky.

UT -2.5 vs MIZZOU

I think it’s over for Mizzou and we bout to see the wheels come off the bus a little bit. They’re still a good team, but last weekend was really they’re shot to separate themselves from Mizzou teams of the past and they kinda choked vs uga. Uga is very good so no fault to Mizzou but those are the games you gotta compete in if you want respect. I think they come out sluggish after last weekend and Tennessee takes advantage. Bazooka Joe goes for 300+. Shoutout Dowling.

UTAH +8.5 vs WASHINGTON

I still just really like Kyle Wittingham and his pig farming qb. They’re not as dangerous offensively as they were last year which is obvious 11 weeks into the season, but their defense is insane. Washington has been flirting with disaster every since that Oregon game, and I think Utah is able to do enough today to at least keep it close. They’re going to make Penix (lmao) uncomfortable and I think they’ve got a shot to pull off the uppie.

USC +15.5 vs OREGON

Maybe USC’s defense has a performance like the raiders did last weekend where they fire the coach then the vibes get right and they open a can of whoop ass. Not enough people factor vibes into their predictions. Maybe RG3 is onto something. Also, I don’t think Caleb Williams is really that good. I hope he proves me wrong but I feel like I could be a decent NFL GM when it comes to qb’s, outside linebackers, receivers, safeties, and tackles. The other positions idk really but my prediction on Caleb Williams is that he’s not even gonna be what Kylar Murray has been. Prove me wrong! Be a shame if he got outdueled by Bo Pix (who is trash and should be in a retirement home).

XANDERSON PARLAY

We have a sharp with us today. The man who has never missed a college football bet in his life. All he ever thinks about is crypto, football, and painting walls. and barcodes. Beast. Today we got da joker on da track.

HOLMES: UCF vs OK State o65.5

“I’m hammering the over on UCF Oklahoma State. 65.5 🔒“ why is this apostrophe backwards that frustrates me so much. Michael would be sad to know he’s missing a rage moment over something stupid from me bc of this apostrophe. Love the pick

XANDER: UGA -10.5 vs OLE MISS

WOOF WOOF. Ders in Athens this weekend with his spiked shoulder pads on. He’s barking at every person he sees. He’s got his collar on that says “bruiser” on the name plate. He’s predicting a big dawgs win. RUFF RUFF.

DOC: KANSAS -3.5 vs TEXAS TEXH

Pat Mahomes not walking through that door. I really don’t get this line at all. Kansas is a better team and is at home. Seems like a freebie. ROCK CHALK….JAYHAWK