Folks, today is Miss Doc’s Locks Bday. What a day it’s going to be. She got brunch with some girls (I am scared of how she’s going to return to me but it’s her day and she can do what she wants), then we got a bday party at this bar this afternoon from 2:30-6:30 EST which coincidentally is when the alabama game is, then we getting China food. Gonna be a fantastic day. If you see me with some eye patches on this AM, no you didn’t. We asked if she’d say was excited and this is what she said:
All the while, we have a not so sneaky great day of football on the tv. The headliner is the tide of course, but there’s some other bangers too mainly Penn State Ohio State, Duke vs Free Shoes, and Utah vs USC. HBD. Spaghetti and Meatballs. Let’s get funky. Spaghetti and Meatballs. Roll Tide.
PENN STATE +4.5 vs OHIO STATE
This is really kinda a hopeful pick. But Ohio state has been starting slow and then fighting their way back into games, I think penn state is good enough to not let them do that. Drew Allar is gonna have to push the ball down the field, but I think they’ve got a really good shot to win, let alone cover. I think this one comes down to some late game heroics and is a one score game the whole way. It’s a roll of the dice at that point. We taking the nittany lions even tho James Franklin is a chach.
OLE MISS -6.5 vs ARBRBBN
Hotty Toddy. Idk why this line so low. Me think something wrong and I’m a sucker but we all know what Curtis Snow would say ab that. Ole Miss will score a lot and auburn is still inept on offense. Gimme the Rebs.
OVER 52.5 UTAH vs USC
I think we might get a points a palooza here. USC is kinda stinky cheese on defense but they can score it. Caleb Williams will have a bounce back game. Utah will get 3 touchdowns here and the rest will come from the Trojans. This should go over easy.
ALABAMA -8.5 vs TENNESSEE
In the words of Bruce or Michael Buffer:
IT’S TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME
Even tho it’s not my special day the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was put on Trouble On My Mind. It’s time to cause a ruckus. It’s time take back the 3rd Saturday in October. It’s time for this team to put it all together. Need to ground and pound the Vols. Get their defensive ends up the field. Run some screens and draws. Bomb it when we can. Create chaos on defense and make Bazooka Joe uncomfortable. Like watching a movie with your grandparents and a sex scene comes on uncomfortable. Sloppy Heupel gonna go home and eat a sad sloppy steak tonight. It’s personal today.
THE XANDERSON PARLAY
Got a good one here today. We got Ders. We got RBG. We got the birthday girl. We got a winner. People forget this parlay is 1-0 in its last 1.
DERS: ARKY -6 vs MS State
Bad vs worse. We taking bad here today. Should be a straightforward dub for the hogs. Ms State will score zero points yet again.
RBG: FSU -14.5 vs DUKE
She liked it so much at 14 that when anderson told her it was actually 14.5 she said it could be 30 and I would still pick FSU. That’s what we like to see! Need that fiyah. Seminoles smoke the blue devils. Cali 1-0.
BDAY GIRL ALLYSON: UNC -23.5 vs UVA
“I like the letters of the schools and the colors and I picked a game where they have good odds of winning and uh past performance. PAST PERFORMANCE! Go with that, write that down”. Honestly, this has just a good a chance of winning as any of the other picks. HBD