Predictions: Jameis Winston

May 6, 2020

Some would call him a clown, a jester, fool, buffoon, some may even go as far to say…a bad quarterback. And sure, maybe his stats of recent support that. 30 interceptions last season, no playoff appearances, I’m not even sure if he’s had a winning season as an NFL quarterback yet.

But I’m here to say that all those who shame Jameis are WRONG. Winston is a national championship winning, Heisman, gunslinger of a quarterback. The man knows how to win and how to produce. Let’s take a look back at his numbers from this past year.

StatisticLeague Rank
Total Offense Points3
Total Offense Yards3
Passing TDs3
Passing Yards1
Avg Drive Time25
Avg Drive Plays25
Avg Drive Start21

So what does this mean? Jameis PRODUCED. James PUT UP NUMBERS. Jameis played like ONE OF THE BEST QUARTERBACKS IN THE LEAGUE. And with some of the lowest number of plays and drive times, HE DID ALL THAT IN LESS TIME. Basically, Jameis walked out on to the field, fuckin chucked that ball deep, let his receivers run under it, and scored touchdowns. No one in the league was able to have as much success with as little support as Jameis did.

And how did he get repaid? He got cut. Replaced by the aging Tom Brady, perhaps a Goat on its last dying breaths.

He was left alone, confused, probably cold and wet if I were to imagine. The Buccaneers took him to the pound, letting go of the big dog that they didn’t want to play with anymore. There Jameis waited, cold, hungry, confused, and sad. He didn’t know when he would get picked. He watched all the new, young pups get paraded through and picked one by one before him. Bengals taking the strong tiger striped pup, Miami took a Hawaiian pup, and even the Chargers took a long haired golden doodle before they even looked at poor old Jameis.

All looked grim and bleak for Jameis, until one day, his old enemies came to the pound. The New Orleans Saints had played against Jameis countless times, and beaten him countless times. Not to mention New Orleans was the host for the famous “Eat a W” moment that solidified Jameis as League Jester. They once laughed at him, and now they offered him a home, a bed, food, a loving family to take care of him, and a big sideline for him to run around on and play with. A place for him to learn and grow from one of the prize winning quarterbacks in the league. Here he could be groomed by Drew Brees, and be taught not necessarily how to be a better quarterback, but how to win.

Where does Jameis go from here? He will ride the bench, getting to come out and grace the field from occasion to occasion, but we won’t see him thowing pigskin too often. The real growth will come in the quarterback room. There Jameis will learn, meditate, and thrive. He’ll reanalyze his philosophy in football, and take the lessons the Brees will spoon feed him. He will grow to the weight of a full grown lion, and become the quarterback he always knew he could.

Then in two years the Goat in Tampa will keel over dead, and the ship will need a new captain. At that time, Jameis will return home, his old friends wont even recognize him. He also probably won’t recognize them because of his recent Lasik surgery. But nevertheless, he will come back to Tampa and bring his people to the promised land. There he will lead the Buccaneers to not one, not two, but three Lombardi trophies in his illustrious career, and pick up multiple MVP awards on his way to Canton, Ohio. Jameis is the hero that Tampa deserves, but not the one they need right now. So remember this setback. Remember the times that you were alone and could only rely on yourself. Because that will make the victories in Tampa Bay so much sweeter.