Valued readers: been a minute. How’s it been? “How’s your mom? How’s your sister?” – Mason Ramsay. We be back and better than ever. Tell the bookie to get the Brinks truck ready because the Caesar is a saucy one this Saturday.
UCLA VS OREGON (-11)
Super Mario has the ducks flying high up in Eugene this year. They’re legitimately the only PAC 12 team that’s got any chance at hanging with the big boys this year. I think they could easily backdoor a playoff spot if they can win out and add maybe a BYU to the schedule. Also Chip Kelly is the worst. Seriously that guy sucks. He lost a championship game to Gene Chizik. Bet on him if you want to but you’re also an idiot if you do.
LIBERTY (+10.5) VS NC STATE
Liberty is a covering machine. They don’t know how to do anything other than beat spreads. They’re 7-2 against the spread this year and all but one of their games has gone over on the total line. They’re also ranked whereas NC State is not (this doesn’t really matter, but there is some value in having a number by your name). The biggest reason I think Liberty can at least beat this 10.5 point teased number is Hubert Freeze. The mans not afraid to win football games and this is a rare night game slot for him. This may end up being the game of the day so lay the 10.5 with Liberty and let’s rock.
RUTGERS VS MICHIGAN UNDER 58
These teams no likey the points. Michigan is an absolute dumpster fire. Jim Jam Harbaugh has completely lost the locker room. The players look lost and like they don’t want to win for this guy because they don’t want him to keep being employed. On the other hand, Rrrrrrutgas sucks again too. The two qb’s starting this game have a combined 11 interceptions through 4 games each. They also have a combined 9 touchdown passes. For comparison, Kyle Trask had 6 by himself last weekend alone. This game goes under all the way. No questions asked. Life, death, and Rrrrrrrrrutgas football games going under. Cash the ticket.
WISCONSIN -1.5 VS NORTHWESTERN
I really can’t stand Pat Fitzgerald. He’s been at Northwestern forever and buddy ain’t won shit. Also, big time dork vibes. Ever since he went on that rant about how people looking at their cell phones is ruining crowd attendance in college football I’ve been a huge anti pat fitzgerald guy. MAYBE the reason people don’t go to your games is because you SUCK and Darren Rovell went there. Give me Wisconsin all day in a personal vendetta game. (The other reason why you should take Wisconsin is that they’re really really good. Like beat Ohio State good this year. But don’t bet on them for that reason bet on them bc all my homies hate Pat Fitzgerald)
VANDY VS FLORIDA UNDER 75
Like in weeks past when I’ve tried to handicap humongous totals like this I will say the same thing: Florida is going to have to score 63 on their own. I know they’ve done it before this season and I know Kyle Trask is a real good foozeball thrower, but I don’t think it’s happening this week. I don’t think Vandy has the firepower to keep up in this game especially if Florida comes out and jumps them in the first quarter. This has the makings of one of those Alabama games where they come out and get ahead 4 touchdowns in the first quarter and then the other team has no choice but to throw it the rest of the game and Bama puts up like 2 more touchdowns and the game winds up being like 45-10 or something. This one goes under by a good ten points.
OKLAHOMA STATE VS OKLAHOMA OVER 53
53 points in Bedlam? Easy mun mun here. This bet is already cashed. This is really just a 5 leg teaser because this one is guaranteed to hit. It’s the Big 12 and it’s two ranked teams, what more do I need to say?
Let’s have some fun today and make some cash. Make the money machine go beep beep. Spaghetti and meatballs let’s get funky.
Bonus picks:
Alabama first half team total over 24.5
Florida -18 first half vs Vandy
Iowa +1.5 Penn State
Cincinnati -4 vs UCF