Folks. After taking much of the NFL season off, I’m happy to declare the Caesar salad teaser didn’t hear no bell. Since I don’t think I’ve given any nfl bets out aside from thanksgiving. Here’s my recap of the season on a team by team basis:
• Arizona Cardinals—> boring nfl team
• Atlanta Falcons—> suck
• Baltimore Ravens—> rip lamar
• Buffalo Bills—> elite; rip von miller
• Carolina Panthers—> yuck
• Chicago Bears—> fun but bad
• Cincinnati Bengals—> sadly great
• Cleveland Browns—> disavow
• Dallas Cowboys—> above average
• Denver Broncos—> Russell Wilson
• Detroit Lions—> in the hunt
• Green Bay Packers—> bad but 👀
• Houston Texans—> Bryce goin here
• Indianapolis Colts—> old yeller
• Jacksonville Jaguars—> bad I think
• Kansas City Chiefs—> still got it
• Las Vegas Raiders—> so bad
• Los Angeles Chargers—> overrated
• Los Angeles Rams—> depressing bad
• Miami Dolphins—> expect us
• Minnesota Vikings—> Kirk cousins
• New England Patriots—> Matt Patricia
• New Orleans Saints—> 😈 horrible
• New York Giants—> week 2 week
• New York Jets—> Mike white
• Philadelphia Eagles—> elite
• Pittsburgh Steelers—> bad but young
• San Francisco 49ers—> big 🐓 brock
• Seattle Seahawks—> Geno and fun
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers—> old and bad
• Tennessee Titans—> Jfc pls play Malik
• Washington Commanders—> purgatory
Very in depth analysis. Thank you for reading or just for scrolling past it’s all good. Got rained out of playing golf today so I got nothing but time to do all the analysis necessary to get a good teaser together/do the “oh wow I accidentally made a lot of bets today”. Let’s build generational wealth today 🤝
EAGLES -7.5 vs GIANTS
Jalen got the eagles rolling. You’ll note I called them elite up above. They cover this easily. Always sunny in Philadelphia this year.
VIKINGS mL vs LIONS
I don’t really understand why the Vikings are dogs which makes me hate this pick but also means I have to take it I hate it so much. You know what I mean. Also JJetta. Oooh but also jameson Williams. Idk. This a tossup but it’s a 1.5 point spread and I think that the Vikings are just better than the lions and also it’s at 1 o’clock so Cousins should ball out since it’s not prime time. Idk tho. Vikings I guess.
BRONCOS u 17.5 vs CHIEFS
The broncos are horrible. They for sure not scoring more than 17.5 in this game. Don’t sweat this one. Still have nightmares thinking about the dangerwich commercial.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. The moment you’ve all been waiting for. The best bet in sports is back. Allow me to reintroduce you to:
THE CAESAR SALAD TEASER (6.5 POINTS)
MINNESOTA vs DETROIT o45.0
These teams are over machines.
HTOWN +24.0 vs DALLAS
Lmao what? That’s wild boy stuff with this line.
BALTIMORE v PITTSBURGH o30.0
Yuck. This is the one that will kill this if it loses. Banking on Kenny Pickett and Tyler Huntley. Disgusting.
DENVER +15 vs KC
Denver won’t score a ton but 15 points is a lot in the national football league and their defense is good enough to keep this under a 2 td game. I think.
SEATTLE +3.0 vs CAROLINA
Panthers stink and Geno is balling. Even with Ken out today the Seahawks will still caw. Let’s go.
MIAMI +3.0 vs CHARGERS
Expect us.