Forgot to do this last week, be glad I did because I got tostito tostato’d on the book in week 1. BUT due to the ponies from a few weeks ago, I am so rich. Losing last week did nothing to me. Back on the horse and away we go for this week with some absolute bangers of picks.
For context, the format of this will show the spread in the team title block as well as the total. The pick will very briefly (emphasis on very, I have to go get breakfast with my dad in a minute, cross your fingers I make it back for kickoff) discussed as well as any player props for the game and the total play if there is one. Also not every game will be picked just a heads up.
RAMS VS. EAGLES (-1.5)
Philly is not a good football team this year at all. The only reason they’re favorites in this game is because they’re at home. The rams have to travel literally across the country just to even get on the field. LA looked pretty solid against Dallas last week, and Philly lost to the DC Defenders, who had like 8 sacks and I’m pretty sure the Rams still have the best player in the NFL on their team in Aaron Donald. The pick here is definitely LA +1.5, but I really like the over 22.5 for Rams team points as well as Cooper Kupp +4.5 catches.
STEELERS (_6.5) VS. BRONCOS
Gotta take the Steelers here. Their defense is still very very good with Minkah and TJ Watt leading the charge. I think they give a young quarterback in Drew Lock nightmares today. We might could get another “seeing ghosts” hot mic moment today. Take the Steelers -6.5 and don’t look back. Just cross your fingers my man Jerry Jeudy at least gets his today.
FALCONS VS. COWGIRLS (-3.5)
Lord forgive me but it’s time to go back to da old me. Falcons +3.5. Book it. Cash the ticket. Take the over on Matt Ryan passing yards (310.5). Sprinkle a little money line (+160). Let’s all get hurt together today.
49ers (-7) VS. JETS
Y-E-T-S YETS YETS YETS. The Jets stink. They have no defensive identity and their offense is awful. Outside of Jamison Crowder, Sam Darnold has nowhere to go with the football. That said, the Niners aren’t great at putting points on the board. I think the move here is UNDER 41.5 (yuck). This game will not be on RedZone like at all. Don’t watch this one for the sake of your sanity.
BILLS (-5.5) VS. DOLPHINS
Take the Bills here. They’re the better team with a great defense and a tall quarterback. Until the Dolphins start Tua I will bet against them every week because they once again are awful. This 5.5 seems incredibly low and the Bills should cover easy.
TITANS (-7.5) VS. JAGUARS
I really like the Jags +7.5 in this spot. The Titans will win this game, but the Jags will cover that. Gardner Minshew will make it happen for us today, and the Titans just don’t score enough touchdowns to stretch out that lead to something insurmountable. This game has 20-13 written all over it. Also, take the over on Derrick Henry’s rushing yards.
RAVENS (-7) VS. TEXANS
Ravens -7 is one of the best looking bets of the week in my opinion. They’re a better team than the Texans and should run all over them. Lamar will have a big day and Desean Watson will play lights out but won’t win because that happens to the Texans every week. I will say, if the Ravens don’t cover 7 here, the Texans will win this outright so maybe sprinkle a little on them as a dog.
CHIEFS (-8.5) VS. CHARGERS
CHIEFS CHIEFS CHIEFS. THIS IS A LOCK. TAKE THE KEY AND THROW IT AWAY. No chance the CHIEFS don’t cover this 8.5. Take every prop bet you can get on Mahomes too. You cannot convince me this bet loses until it does and even then I may not believe you.
SEAHAWKS (-3.5) VS. PATRIOTS
The two lamest quarterbacks in the NFL square off tonight on primetime. On one hand you have nerd Russel Wilson and on the other you have fashionista, booger eater $cam Newton. I like the…over 44.5 in this game. The seahawks just gave up 33 to the Dirty Birds, and Russ looked like an MVP. The Patriots have a better QB than they have in the past 4 years, and should be able to at least gut up 21 points. That over should hit and I also like the Patriots to win this one outright. Spaghetti and meatballs. Let’s get funky.