With a heavy heart, I kneel before you to beg forgiveness for our pitiable performance in the previous weeks locks. In the early stages of any season, the path to victory can be treacherous. But fear not, for we rise from the ashes, stronger and wiser than before. This week, I present you with a parlay that I dare say is as unyielding as t itself. Our calculations are as precise as a maester’s quill, our analysis as sharp as Valyrian steel, and our confidence as unwavering as the Night’s Watch.

Week 2 Locks (1-0 in games I’m serious about)

North Carolina -19 vs Appalachian State

Let me paint you a picture, last year the rich neighborhood bully went to the weird homeschooled kids house, challenged him to a shootout, and barely won. This year, that weird little homeschooled kid is coming to the bully’s house, and he’s got a limp and missing an eye. The bully grinded all off season, and put together a thick layer of armor on top of it all. Oh and the bully sees an opening to make a run to win their conference for the first time in over a decade. You think that Bully gonna make that same mistake twice? Or do you think the bully is gonna put that weird homeschooled kid in the toilet and give his head a swirly to send a message to everyone else. This ain’t a Disney story. This time the rich kid wins. Big.

Washington State +5.5 vs Wisconsin

Washington State has one of the least talked about best players in the conference, maybe in the country in their QB Cam Ward. He’s dynamic and a proficient thrower who’s got a nose for the end zone. Wisconsin didn’t look great out of the gate and are still learning a defensive concept that looks to struggle against a wide open spread that they’ll see on the road in Pullman. I expect as close a game as we saw last year.

The ALL DAY PARLAY

ALL DAY PARLAY OF THE YEAR. 🔒💣💰🏈🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨I’ve never been more confident in a ADP in my life. This is guaranteed free money so go ahead and order the appetizers. This one’s on me.

12:00 Colorado ML vs Nebraska

3:30 Ole Miss -7 vs Tulane

9:30 Stanford +29 vs USC

Coach Prime vs Nebraska in the limelight? A team that wins in the shine and a team that cowers from it. The Public is all over Tulane. Fade the Public (not the Publix.) And Stanford blames USC for the collapse of the PAC-12 leaving them alone to fend for themselves and join the ACC. I love a first Stanford team with something to fight for.

The Brand New Poppy Parlay

Chicks Dig the Long Ball